I used to know who I was... the moment i realized all the things that I used to define "me" weren't there anymore, I grieved. This was actually the cause of my personality change. Grief. Since my stepson passed I have since learned we are often a product of our environment, experiences, and training... If I wasn't happy-go-lucky, fights through anything with a smile, if I couldn't make people laugh... Who was I? What was this nightmare that was my life? I felt alone, and even distanced myself from me. The girl I knew was gone and no one who hasn't lost a child understood.
It was tiring to wake up. I needed something beyond antidepressants to pull me out of the hole I found myself in. Life doesn't always give us a reason to smile. Sometimes we have to create it. This is a muscle mom and dad never told me about. I suppose its because they never built it up themselves. Fiercely giving people, who didn't know how to stop hurting, and I can't blame them. Because giving isn't the core of happiness. It can be a means to an end, but ultimately, I have found happiness most when I release myself from what I know to be true. When I release what was for something new. That included who I thought I was.
Get rid of the labels. You aren't always going to be how you want or expect, and you certainly aren't going to be that for other people. We aren't always nice, kind, funny, smart... We aren't always difficult, bitchy, or high-strung. Our beauty will dim in the light of our life experiences. We are all things and none of them. Traditional Shamanism practices releasing from the reality we know to be true down to the core of all things we have been taught and let me tell you, there's nothing more freeing, and frightening at first. Because THIS is where the magic is. This is where your spiritual power lies. When we can let go of who we think we are and who we think others are. Open up your life to the possibility of something different. Let someone surprise you... surprise yourself! Life is short and if we are constantly identifying with the world we experienced yesterday we never make room for that magic destiny that is tied to
your soul. Beyond the horizons of your mind, waits the sunrise of your greatest potential.